I’ll be honest, starting this blog is a little scary. Maybe I should say re-starting… this is probably the fourth time I’ve attempted to start a blog in the past few years. It’s scary to put myself out there. It’s scary to write about my insecurities, my issues, and to be honest, even my successes. My first thought was that all of my friends would think this is stupid, and they wouldn’t want to read about me anyways. So? People who aren’t interested won’t read. That’s fine. They’re not going to snicker behind my back or be convinced that I’m an idiot for trying this out (again). I have better people in my life than that. I should know this by now, yet I’m still overcome with fear.
I’ve always had an issue with obsessing over other people’s perceptions of me. I replay situations in my head countless times – before they happen so I know exactly what to say in every possible circumstance, and then when of course the encounter doesn’t go as planned, I replay again countless times thinking about what I should have said that would have made me seem less stupid. You guys. I still replay situations in my head that happened years ago. It’s crazy, I know. But it’s me. I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to promote myself as a “blogger.” Honestly, anyone who writes a blog is a blogger. That, as of right now, makes me a blogger. Yet I still feel like people will think I’m some kind of poser, or pretender. Sure, she wants to be a “blogger” -haha, good luck with that.
The other fear in writing about my life is that people will see just how imperfect I am. But guess what? We are all imperfect. And that’s okay! That is ultimately what pushed me to pull the trigger and start this – for real this time. I need an outlet sometimes, and showing other people the real me isn’t really that bad of a thing, is it? I love my family and friends, but I tend to internalize things and try to “fix” them myself. Maybe my journey, my ideas, or my words will help someone else. Maybe not. It’s worth it either way.